Actually, this is day 1 of writing my DIARY but I have just had Daddy count up all the days since I arrived and it is one-thousand and eight-hundred and eighty and no units.
It is a FRIDAY:
And so, I shall begin...
Once upon a time, the world began.
Then lots of boring stuff happened until the 1st of January 2001 when I arrived.
(Daddy goes on about the boring stuff A LOT but you don't need to worry about that.)
Since then I have lived in my flat with my two daddies: Daddy ALEX (who is very nice) and Daddy RICHARD (who is… staring at me very hard so I will only say that he is nice too. Or at least Daddy Alex thinks so, which probably means Daddy Alex is a bit soft. Soft is good.)
Most baby elephants do not get two daddies so I am either very special or very strange; you will probably have to read the rest of my diary in order to find out which!
Daddy Richard is an accountant. A long time ago (but after the world began, I THINK) he went to a place called Cambridge and they did lots of tests on him and said that his head was full of numbers and that it would be best if he went round counting things. I think that it would be better if this meant that was a COUNT but apparently that is something else ENTIRELY.
MY head is full of fluffy stuffing, which I think is a LOT better than being full of numbers, because I get to stay at home and watch DVDs while Daddy has to go out counting stuff.
Daddy Alex is a Liberal Democrat, which I think is like an ordinary Democrat but extra generous. Apparently this means that Daddy Alex is third in line to run the country if it weren't for some people called Mr Blair and Mr Balloon.
Mr Blair is a Labour, which means he must be hard work. And Mr Balloon is a Conservative, which is a sort of glass room on the side of a house.
I would much rather Daddy was running the country, since Mr Blair does not seen to be very good at it – certainly he makes Daddy Richard shout at the radio a lot, which cannot be GOOD! And I would give Daddy Alex lots of my VERY GOOD ideas!
[R: And he could ignore them all because being a Liberal means not imposing the ideas of a fluffy elephant on people without asking permission first.]
Anyway, much more importantly, we all live with my DVD player. (Which I allow my two daddies to use OCCASIONALLY when I'm not watching something important.)
Tomorrow I will tell you all about DVDs.