The rats are no longer even forming an orderly queue to get off as the doomed ship Gordtanic steams headlong towards the electoral iceberg.
First the Second-Home Secretary, Ms Jacquie Spliff, left to spend more time with her family and their video collection; now the insanely perky Secretary of State for Communists and Illogical Government, Ms Hazel Smears, is getting back to her roots.
On top of that, it looks increasingly like Mr Frown will lose ALL of the holders of the "great offices of state".
Chancellor Sooty looks certain to go – he's the man who does the ADDING UP for the Nation and he has just admitted that he got his own sums a BIT WRONG. And even if he hadn't, the Prime Monster's long-term homunculus, Mr Ed Balls, the Shadow Chancer, has coveted Sooty's job for, well, almost as long as Mr Frown coveted Lord Blairimort's! At Prime Monster's Questionable Time, Mr Balloon repeatedly asked the Prime Monster to say if Sooty would still be there next week – repeatedly Mr Frown refused to say yes. Is this the black spot, or what?
And apparently Lord Mandelbrot, Fractal of Darkness and currently the (Murky) Business Secretary, has his eye on taking the role of Foreign Secretary from Mr Millipede. People are saying that "it's what he's always wanted". I don't think that can be true – what Lord Mandelbrot has always wanted is… well, isn't it about time we had another Prime Monster from the House of Lords Club?
Funnily enough, I had a talk with Daddy Alex about this just at the weekend. I thought that if he was GOING to reshuffle off a lot of his Cabinet AFTER the election, he might as well do it NOW ahead of one: a few judicial SACKINGS – both Ms Spliff and Ms Smears have been guilty of egregious expensives claims; knocking off Mr Geoff "Buff" Hoon and that nasty squit Mr Purnell at the same time wouldn't hurt either – would help his authority, putting it off only looks like more DITHERING.
Daddy put the other side: ministers going NOW would look like the Government was IMPLODING.
Well, we've put it to the test and it turns out Daddy was RIGHT and I was WRONG!
This is APPALLING for the Hard Labour Party: there is wall-to-wall coverage that Mr Frown has lost it. Even the Grauniad is calling on him to GO! (Subtext: go, Mr Frown, so we can say "vote Labour" again.)
As Captain Clegg put it in the House:
"It is clear that Hard Labour is finished; the only choice is between the Conservatories and the Liberal Democrats!"That's PARTICULARLY appropriate for these European elections, where the Liberal Democrats have fought a strong and positive Euro campaign, proud to declare that we are STRONGER TOGETHER; the alternative is a variety of Parties (red, blue or green) playing the Nationalist, Protectionist, Little Englander card.
Only the Liberal Democrats are offering the country LEADERSHIP on Europe, on the Economy, on reform.
The polls are ERRATIC at best, but if anyone has the momentum, then it's US, with at least three polls showing we will come SECOND in the elections tomorrow, ahead of the Government. And funnily enough I've heard from CONSERVATORY voters that this is even tempting them to support Liberal Democrats to push Hard Labour into third in the hope that this will finally push Mr Frown out of the window.
Getting rid of the Prime Monster isn't ENOUGH… but it's become NECESSARY. Like Mr Speaker of the Housemartin (seen at PMQ's today desperately threatening to cancel playtime if people didn't listen nicely to his friend the Prime Monster), Mr Frown has become a ROADBLOCK to REFORM.
What we NEED is a RENEWAL of our political system.
That means a new Constitution and a General Election.
And the only way to get there is first to get a new Labour Prime Monster – hmmm, new Labour… nahh, it would never work – possibly Mr Alan Johnson & Johnson, the No More Tears Secretary. If Mr Frown were to step aside, then his replacement could quickly convene the House, pretty much along the lines Captain Clogg set out to take back power, to agree the independent system for MPs expensives, fix the length of Parliaments, change the electoral system, introduce an elected House of Lords, and HOLD A GENERAL ELECTION.
That's what we NEED… but it's NOT what is going to happen. Mr Frown is NOT going to go willingly; he's not interested in putting the good of the country ahead of his own selfish interest.
Mr Frown will hang on by his bitten fingernails. There will be no prompt election – the vote for the dissolution of Parliament will unite Hard Labour – it will be another year. There will be NO constitutional reform, or any reform will be TAINTED by his TOUCH OF DEATH, and Mr Balloon will win a General Election and kick any reform into the long grass for another decade.
Mr Frown's ONLY legacy (unless by some miracle he's persuaded to go on Friday) will be to entrench corruption for another generation.
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