Nowadays, most people have forgotten that before Mr Balloon was there, the Conservatories used to be led by a nasty old Transylvanian who was only famous for being the most right wing home secretary ever ever ever until Lord Blairimort got in and started appointing a string of people who made him look as soft and wet as a downy duckling's bathing suit.
It is rumoured that at least one senior Conservatory politician is unable to invite their former boss around because at the sight of Mr Something of the Night, his little children immediately start quoting Mr Rory Bremner's impersonation:
"I'm not going to HARM you!"
Oh, how he must have wished that the same could be said of the METROPOLITAN POLICE this week, when they invited him to "help them with their inquiries".
This of course is all to do with the ongoing inquiry into whether or not Lord Blairimort is going to get BANGED UP IN THE BIG HOUSE for flogging places in the House of Lords Club in return for huge great bungs of undeclared loans.
As the Sheriff in Robbin' Hoodie would say: CLUE – YES.
Not ones to do an unthorough job, the police have also been looking into the SUSPICIOUSLY ENORMOUS undeclared loans to Mr Balloon's Conservatory Party from four people who ENTIRELY COINCIDENTALLY then got given, er, seats in the House of Lords Club.
Of course, only the most CYNICAL of people could see any similarity between these cases of BLATANT CORRUPTION.
(The Liberal Democrats, before you start reading Mr Rodger Stavro-Moredick's smears, DECLARED the loans that they had received, and were CLEARED by the Electoral Commission of doing anything wrong in the business of that one and only big donation.)
Why would the police want to talk to Mr Something of the Night, though? Well, it is standard police procedure that when a crime is suspected, they check out all the local VILLAINS and people who are known to have BROKEN THE LAW. No wonder Mr Something of the Night popped to the top f their list! When he was Home Secretary he granted more Royal Pardons than anyone had ever done before. Mainly to HIMSELF every time he was caught breaking the law.
Disappointingly, we were deprived of a jolly good laugh (and a chorus of the SCHADENFREUDE song) when Mr Something of the Night failed to have his collar felt…
Mind you, I do hope he did not AVOID any questions! The police might have to come back another TWELVE times to ask him those questions again!