...a blog by Richard Flowers

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Day 2025: Sir Mr the Merciless Gets Things Done


Last night we were watching the Newsnight show with Sir Mr the Merciless being interviewed MOTHER KEARNEY in front of a panel of "members of the public". He took the opportunity to lay out again the platform of new policies that he has been announcing, one of which was the scrapping of automatic parole for dangerous criminals.

Clearly Sir Merciless is a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH! As within twelve hours, the government are rumoured to be doing exactly what he told them to!

Newsnight's report on the Liberal Democrats was a bit ODD. To start with, they ran an opinion poll asking whether people would rather have Sir Mr the Merciless or Mr CHARLES CK1 KENNEDY as leader of the Liberal Democrats.

I do not think anyone should be surprised that more people chose Mr Charles because he was FAMOUS for being leader for six years! Rather longer than Sir Mr the Merciless's six months.

Remember, though, that 70% of the public are voters for the Conservatories or the Labour. It is NOT IMPOSSIBLE that A FEW OF THEM might want a leader for the Liberal Democrats who is NOT the BEST leader for the Liberal Democrats.

The report then went over a mixed up version of recent history – mixed up because it was presented out of order and thus distorting what happened. First, they played OLD clips of Sir Mr the Merciless at Prime Minister's Bear Pit Time, but not the more recent ones where he has been successful!

Then they played clips of the recent elections, but they played Bromley FIRST, then Dunfermline and then the Local Elections, as though Sir Mr the Merciless had done well in by-elections but then fallen back; whereas, as we know, the truth is that we held our own at the locals and FORGED AHEAD in Bromley while Mr Balloon's team got lucky at the locals and then fell FLAT ON THEIR FACES.

Afterwards, Mother Kearney popped questions at Sir Mr the Merciless and allowed members of her panel to say their prepared pieces.

She did keep trying to not let Sir Mr the Merciless finish his points, but he was able firmly to overrule her. "Please let me finish" is a tricky tactic to use (Mr Balloon does it a lot and it makes him sound WHINY) but Sir Ming managed it pretty well – occasionally by pointing out that he WAS trying to give an ANSWER to the real person from the panel.

Mother K got into a bother about who Sir Ming would back in a HUNG PARLIAMENT.

This question is so old it is BORING. We should go on the counter offensive: why does Mother K never ask Mr Balloon whether he would have a coalition with Lord Blairimort? After all, Mr B votes to support Lord B's policies already!

It seems that so long as the other two parties have more in common with EACH OTHER than they have with US, then we should stay out of it! And we certainly don't have to answer that sort of question until they have!

Opinion appears to be divided about Sir Mr the Merciless's performance with some people thinking he did badly because of his raised voice, interruptions, finger stabbing and eyebrow action; and other people thinking he did rather well because of pretty much the SAME THINGS!

Personally, I think he is doing ALL RIGHT with the talents and abilities that he has. He's not an actor, so he had BETTER play to type. Being the BLUNT OLD SO-and-SO who tells the PAINFUL TRUTH is a good fit to Sir Mr the Merciless. I have said it before and I will say it again: we are a lot better off with Sir GRUMPY OLD MAN than with Sir WERTHER'S ORIGINALS.

Presentation may be everything in politics, but not if the other fellow is ALREADY doing that presentation.

Lord Blairimort famously SHOT BAMBI and used him like a SLITHEEN SUIT to look CUTE and NICE and it won him the election in 1997. Now Mr Balloon is trying VERY HARD to do the same thing (although he has unfortunately shot himself in the foot almost as often).

The Liberal Democrat message is that we are NOT like the others: for looking distinctive, for looking authoritative, and yes for looking curmudgeonly Sir Mr the Merciless gets it done!

No comments: