Monday:
Announcing their own SPECIAL kind of "fiscal stimulus", Russian President Dimity Mediocre said:
"We have learned lessons of history. Cure for Depression is MASSIVE REARMAMENT followed by WORLD WAR… Dos vedanya, Tovarisch!"
.
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday, August 15, 2008
Day 2777: War Games
Friday:
And the Olympic Gold Medal for Throwing Their Weight About by a Superpower goes to… well, actually it's America again, but not without a fierce late challenge from the Empire of Vladland (formerly the Peoples' Plutocracy of Yeltsin).
"This is not a war," the Russian ambassador told the world straight-faced. "This is Peace Enforcement."
Yeaaaaaaas…
It's funny (funny-peculiar that is) to see such an OLD-FASHIONEDwar peace-enforcement: a simple grab for land and resources, with none of your new-fangled asymmetric war-on-terra-fare.
But then Vladland is an old-fashioned sort of a place, with old-fashioned tanks and old-fashioned massive numerical superiority.
It's not that Georgia is ENTIRELY innocent in all this – they went barrelling into their dissident province of South Ossetia intent on using force to crush the local partisans. (Just like Vladland went barrelling into THEIR dissident province of Chechnya to crush THEIR local partisans… but we'll not mention that.)
But then the Russian army responds with 200 tanks that they JUST HAPPEN to have parked across the border. Crossing the border to possibly topple a rogue state (just like WE did in Iraq… but we'll not mention that either) to prevent crimes against humanity and protect their own ethnic group (just like the GERMANS did in the… and at that point Godwin's Law is satisfied).
The key question that troubles the West is this: if we HAD moved to admit Georgia into NATO (which IRONICALLY we didn't do because it might have been "provocative"), would that have contained the Russian threat or would we now be facing World War Part Three as our treaty obligations forced us to respond to an attack on one member as an attack on all members?
Because, let's face it, none of us WANT to see Georgia being crushed under a Russian invasion… but I think many of us want to see a full scale war with Russia EVEN LESS. So all the Monkey-in-Chief's brave talk about defending Georgia is… just talk. The Georgians, and indeed the rest of the states in the Russian "sphere of influence", can expect Western support all the way up to just short of actually committing any real assistance.
And of course the Russian leaders, Prince Vlad and President Mediocre, know this. Indeed they are counting on it.
The lessons from history are clear: after the Cold War we smashed Russia to pieces, plundered her reserves of natural resources and – at least from their perspective – humiliated them and left them with a drunk in charge. Prince Vlad seized that opportunity (and a lot of his old KGB files) and used it to forge a new powerful image for Russia built on ethnic image and a cult of his personality. Does ANY of this sound familiar?
Yes, after confronting the Soviet Union for eighty years of Cold War, when it turned out that their MASTER STRATEGY for World Domination was, er, to huddle in their defensive position and wait for the inevitable revolution, it seems that we have managed to turn Russia into an aggressive neo-feudal dictatorship that really DOES want to conquer her neighbours.
And we are going to have to face the fact that there's not a whole lot we can do about it in the short term.
The Monkey-in-Chief's adventure in Middle Eastern politics – with Lord Blairimort's support – and our ongoing commitments to rebuilding Afghanistan and continuing to smash up Iraq leave us with neither the ability nor the moral standing to do anything about it when Russia gets pushy with any of her neighbours.
But what we CAN do is commit to spreading prosperity and democracy to the Eastern European states who HAVE joined the European Union. By making the Union a success throughout the expanded area and by being clear that this is an opportunity (not a threat) to all the former Soviet Republics AND RUSSIA HERSELF, then we can show that our interests are peaceful AND that it works! This isn't a quick solution; it is the challenge of a generation – but it is doable. We have seen it done. Just as the first generation of the Union saw that peace between France and Germany was possible, just as the second generation brought in former military dictatorships like Spain and Greece, so our generation can erase the division of the Iron Curtain.
And maybe in time we can persuade the Russians to join us too.
And the Olympic Gold Medal for Throwing Their Weight About by a Superpower goes to… well, actually it's America again, but not without a fierce late challenge from the Empire of Vladland (formerly the Peoples' Plutocracy of Yeltsin).
"This is not a war," the Russian ambassador told the world straight-faced. "This is Peace Enforcement."
Yeaaaaaaas…
It's funny (funny-peculiar that is) to see such an OLD-FASHIONED
But then Vladland is an old-fashioned sort of a place, with old-fashioned tanks and old-fashioned massive numerical superiority.
It's not that Georgia is ENTIRELY innocent in all this – they went barrelling into their dissident province of South Ossetia intent on using force to crush the local partisans. (Just like Vladland went barrelling into THEIR dissident province of Chechnya to crush THEIR local partisans… but we'll not mention that.)
But then the Russian army responds with 200 tanks that they JUST HAPPEN to have parked across the border. Crossing the border to possibly topple a rogue state (just like WE did in Iraq… but we'll not mention that either) to prevent crimes against humanity and protect their own ethnic group (just like the GERMANS did in the… and at that point Godwin's Law is satisfied).
The key question that troubles the West is this: if we HAD moved to admit Georgia into NATO (which IRONICALLY we didn't do because it might have been "provocative"), would that have contained the Russian threat or would we now be facing World War Part Three as our treaty obligations forced us to respond to an attack on one member as an attack on all members?
Because, let's face it, none of us WANT to see Georgia being crushed under a Russian invasion… but I think many of us want to see a full scale war with Russia EVEN LESS. So all the Monkey-in-Chief's brave talk about defending Georgia is… just talk. The Georgians, and indeed the rest of the states in the Russian "sphere of influence", can expect Western support all the way up to just short of actually committing any real assistance.
And of course the Russian leaders, Prince Vlad and President Mediocre, know this. Indeed they are counting on it.
The lessons from history are clear: after the Cold War we smashed Russia to pieces, plundered her reserves of natural resources and – at least from their perspective – humiliated them and left them with a drunk in charge. Prince Vlad seized that opportunity (and a lot of his old KGB files) and used it to forge a new powerful image for Russia built on ethnic image and a cult of his personality. Does ANY of this sound familiar?
Yes, after confronting the Soviet Union for eighty years of Cold War, when it turned out that their MASTER STRATEGY for World Domination was, er, to huddle in their defensive position and wait for the inevitable revolution, it seems that we have managed to turn Russia into an aggressive neo-feudal dictatorship that really DOES want to conquer her neighbours.
And we are going to have to face the fact that there's not a whole lot we can do about it in the short term.
The Monkey-in-Chief's adventure in Middle Eastern politics – with Lord Blairimort's support – and our ongoing commitments to rebuilding Afghanistan and continuing to smash up Iraq leave us with neither the ability nor the moral standing to do anything about it when Russia gets pushy with any of her neighbours.
But what we CAN do is commit to spreading prosperity and democracy to the Eastern European states who HAVE joined the European Union. By making the Union a success throughout the expanded area and by being clear that this is an opportunity (not a threat) to all the former Soviet Republics AND RUSSIA HERSELF, then we can show that our interests are peaceful AND that it works! This isn't a quick solution; it is the challenge of a generation – but it is doable. We have seen it done. Just as the first generation of the Union saw that peace between France and Germany was possible, just as the second generation brought in former military dictatorships like Spain and Greece, so our generation can erase the division of the Iron Curtain.
And maybe in time we can persuade the Russians to join us too.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Day 2618: Where's the Rush(ia)
Sunday:
President Count Vlad ofTransylvania Russia has agreed to step aside constitutionally, and pass on his throne to his anointed successor, Mr Dmitry Mediocre.
Mr Mediocre has sworn to continuethe Count's Mr Vlad's work even though election monitors have suggested that the former President's heavy hints that anyone who did not vote as they were told could expect to be on the next train to SIBERIA might have influenced the outcome just SLIGHTLY.
Meanwhile, the Count will retire to the office of Prime Monster for a quiet life of contemplation and controlling Mr Mediocre like a puppet… er…
Mr Mediocre is described as a modern pragmatic liberal. This means that he does exactly what Count Vlad tells him. Recruited by the Count in 2000 from St Petersburg (formerly Putingrad), his most widely known talent is as being "the one who makes the coffee" for Kremlin meetings.
He is said to be highly computer literate, claiming that he looks at the Internet TWICE a day... to see if anyone else in Russia will be allowed to read it.
The elections in Russia are a bit like those in Great Britain except no one is allowed to know about any of the other parties than the government. (In this country that only applies BETWEEN elections!) Apparently this is good for STABILITY. As is having most of the other candidates rounded up and arrested as traitors.
So, under the circumstances, we might as well be thankful that the election managed to be as contested as it was! The communists' candidate did surprisingly well, polling almost 18% and still breathing. Which you have to say is an achievement.
European observers – the few who were actually able to be there observing – described it as "not fair" and "a denial of the 'democratic potential' of the country's voters"… which is actually a lot BETTER than the report that everyone was expecting!
Democracy takes time, and it relies upon a sound economy and reliable laws before people are able to start exchanging ideas and challenging each other. When every day is a struggle to survive, letting Mr Strong take charge often seems a better choice than having to MAKE choices of your own.
And you have to be honest and say that a lot of Russian really DO like Count Vlad. His no nonsense approach of stripping to the waist and destroying all enemies of Mother Russia have won their hearts. Also, they're quite fond of his not getting drunk on cheap vodka and dancing on tanks while the rapacious American money men compete with the Mafia to make off with large chunks of the nation.
Funny people, the Russians.
President Count Vlad of
Mr Mediocre has sworn to continue
Meanwhile, the Count will retire to the office of Prime Monster for a quiet life of contemplation and controlling Mr Mediocre like a puppet… er…
Mr Mediocre is described as a modern pragmatic liberal. This means that he does exactly what Count Vlad tells him. Recruited by the Count in 2000 from St Petersburg (formerly Putingrad), his most widely known talent is as being "the one who makes the coffee" for Kremlin meetings.
He is said to be highly computer literate, claiming that he looks at the Internet TWICE a day... to see if anyone else in Russia will be allowed to read it.
The elections in Russia are a bit like those in Great Britain except no one is allowed to know about any of the other parties than the government. (In this country that only applies BETWEEN elections!) Apparently this is good for STABILITY. As is having most of the other candidates rounded up and arrested as traitors.
So, under the circumstances, we might as well be thankful that the election managed to be as contested as it was! The communists' candidate did surprisingly well, polling almost 18% and still breathing. Which you have to say is an achievement.
European observers – the few who were actually able to be there observing – described it as "not fair" and "a denial of the 'democratic potential' of the country's voters"… which is actually a lot BETTER than the report that everyone was expecting!
Democracy takes time, and it relies upon a sound economy and reliable laws before people are able to start exchanging ideas and challenging each other. When every day is a struggle to survive, letting Mr Strong take charge often seems a better choice than having to MAKE choices of your own.
And you have to be honest and say that a lot of Russian really DO like Count Vlad. His no nonsense approach of stripping to the waist and destroying all enemies of Mother Russia have won their hearts. Also, they're quite fond of his not getting drunk on cheap vodka and dancing on tanks while the rapacious American money men compete with the Mafia to make off with large chunks of the nation.
Funny people, the Russians.
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