Day 4590: Moneylenders in the Temple

Friday

You have, presumably, heard how one of Britain’s biggest landowners is to use its enormous capital reserves to try and bankrupt a recent successful start-up company.

Although you MIGHT have heard that reported as: “Church of England to force Wonga out of business”.

This initiative from everyone’s favourite establishment theocracy comes after the Government announced that the monthly interest that credit unions can charge will increase from 2% to 3%. That’s an increase of 26.8% APR to 42.6% APR.

So it looks like the Church only got interested when credit unions went from being CHARITABLE loans to PROFITABLE ones.

Is it necessarily a BAD thing that the Church might bankrupt Wonga? Mr Dr Vince doesn’t seem to think so. Competition is, after all, supposed to be HEALTHY and – we’re told – result in a BETTER outcome (in this case lower interest rates) for the consumer.

But I’m concerned.

Firstly, Wonga charges such high interest rates because they accept a high degree of RISK in the people that they lend to. Will the CofE be willing to sustain very high levels of losses, or will they be offering loans only to much safer borrowers? Will they, in fact, not be competing with Wonga at all, but rather with existing credit unions?

Secondly, is the problem of debt not that people are getting into more debt than they can afford? Offering them CHEAPER loans will encourage MORE borrowing, people who might have been DISCOURAGED by Wonga’s high interest rates might be encouraged to take out borrowing with a lower “Church” rate. Cheap lending, after all, is what fuelled the BOOM that led to the BUST of the Mr Frown years.

But, perhaps more importantly, I’m worried about setting a precedent of letting a religious organisation – ostensibly one with the power of the state behind it, too – decide to eliminate a legitimate, legal, if slightly odious business on ostensibly dogmatic grounds. Would we be as sanguine if the Church said it was going to use its property portfolio to start blocking planning applications for HS2? Or that they were to begin buying up buildings used for “immoral purposes” (whatever the Church decided that might mean) in order to put a stop to that?

Or it could all turn into an incompetent mess...

To move the story completely into “you couldn’t make it up” territory, within 24 hours the newly created Arch-Banker of Canterbury, Mr Justin Wibbly, had to admit to EMBARRASSMENT when it turned out that the Church is in fact an investor in Wonga.

Perhaps the DAILY MASH covers this best: “Bible story of Jesus and the moneylenders is still on his ‘to-do’ list.”

Day 2709: Lord Blairimort Keeps the Faith

Sunday:


After the quiet 'Temple Of Light' in the Big Tent, Lord Blairmort has opened his very own FAITH ZONE in New York, pledging to devote his life to crushing the unbelievers doing, y'know, good.

"Look, I mean…" said Lord Blairimort, "you've got to… y'know… look at the example of all those religions… Jesus, Muhammad, those guys the Hindus believe in… and say to yourself… gee, I could be like that… y'know… worshipped by millions…"

During his time as Prime Monster, Lord Blairimort kept quiet about his beliefs, but he has recently admitted converting to the Church of Thatchianity.


In totally unrelated news, astronomers have discovered a heavenly body with unprecedented spin.

Day 2704: Does Mr Balloon think we're IDIOTS?

Tuesday:


Because, people of Britain, we're surely going out of our way to convince him he's right if he does!

Electing BoJo the Clown as Mayor of London; giving the Conservatories record leads in the opinion polls… these are the sorts of things that make him think he can do no wrong.

And THAT is why we end up with announcements of pre-Stone Age Thatcherite policy: "Boot camps" (presumably followed by "Chain Gangs" and then logically on to "Slavery") being a right old kick up the Eighties.

"Compassionate Conservatism" here clearly means let us "compassionately" blame the least well off.

Meanwhile I'm indebted to Mr James for pointing out that one of our Mayor's FIRST decisions in office is another Conservatory side-swipe at the least well off: raising the cost of travel costs for the poor of London… and merely for IDEOLOGICAL reasons too. Although, to be completely accurate, Mr "I'm going to work flat out for London" BoJo's decision was to jet off on holiday and have a flunky do it for him.

So much for their "crocodile tears", as Mr Clogg calls them, over the badly-off being done over by Mr Frown's doubling of the 10p tax.

Making a speech in which he RIGHTLY said that the people of Britain are CRYING OUT for a change, for something better than this tired, old, exhausted, rubbish Labour administration, he ALSO pointed out that the Conservatories have NOTHING to offer either.

"The Balloon-eroons have started to believe their own hype: insisting on their right to enter Number 10 without working out what they'd do once the door closed behind them."

Of course, the media are IN on this CONSPIRACY, keeping the heat on Mr Frown (fair enough) but also giving Mr Balloon an easy ride. (I'm sorry, WHAT are you journalists FOR?)

For example, this week's Questionable Time saw Mr "Buff" Hoon, the Government's Chief Twit, trying to put the "what are your policies" question to Mr Eric "In a" Pickles, Conservatory spokesperson for SMUG. It was obvious from the look on his face that Mr Pickles was so arrogant that he'd come on the show without even thinking of an answer. Fortunately for him, though, he was spared when the question was deflected by Mr Dimbledonkey in one of the most partisan pieces of chairing the show has seen in a long time.


The Labour's so-called "campaign" in Crewe and Nantwich consisted of rubbishing the Conservatory JUST because he was well off. Old-fashioned class envy at its worst, and COMPLETELY missing the point. The REAL problem with Mr Balloon surrounding himself with old cronies from his Bullingdon Drinking-and-Smashing-Up-Restaurants Club Days, the problem with him choosing to stuff his Shadow Cabinet with Old Etonion Chums is NOT because it's a sign of undeserved privilege – although it IS – but because it is the clearest indication that Mr Balloon LOOKS DOWN ON the rest of us.

It is clear that he thinks that the rich deserve SPECIAL TREATMENT and the poor deserve PUNISHING.

More than that, it's clear that he thinks we shouldn't be worrying our pretty little heads about anything so difficult as policies.

That is why Mr "In A" Pickles was so TAKEN ABACK that he might have to have some answers (because there's no way that Mr Balloon is going to have told an OIK like HIM what the polices are!).

That is why Mr Balloon hasn't BOTHERED to GET any proper, real NEW policies.

And that is why we get stupid announcements of "Boot Camps" like left over pizza that Mr Balloon has found on the floor and picked the bits of FLUFF off.