Friday:
Firewall THIS!
Showing posts with label Chung Kuo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chung Kuo. Show all posts
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, April 11, 2008
Day 2655: Olympic Torchwood: May the Farce be With You
Tuesday:
Stormtroopers, it would seem, are IN.
At the High Court in London, the Jedi Master of Lucasfilm, Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi (George "don't do that" Lucas), defends his right to use SITH LIGHTNING against anyone who tries cashing in on his multi-billion dollar merchandising EMPIRE.
Meanwhile, in London, Paris, San Francisco and worldwide, the People's LiberationArmy Formation Jogging Team of China – "handsome" and "mighty" according to the China News Service; "thugs" according to the less diplomatic Lord Olympics & Coe
– have been manfully keeping alight the Torch of Freedom by, er, oppressing anyone who tries to get close to it.
The Olympic Committee are said to be considering doing away with the FORMAL SPECTACLE of the host country being forced to take it on the chin from all the people round the would that they've really p… bad-worded off.
I think that ending this ritual humiliation would be a SHAME, as it would deprive everyone of the chance to give Great Britain the reception we would deserve if we do not shape up our act. And anyway, SELF-FLAGELLATION is an Olympic event we'd be really GOOD at!
On the other fluffy foot, Mr Balloon thinks that we'd be world class at DITHERING – at least if Mr Frown were to put himself forward as a competitor.
(Mr Balloon is TOO MODEST: he and Master Gideon show great promise for the two by shall-we-shan't-we-privatise-the-Northern-Rock relay.)
Of course Mr Balloon is only trying to catch up with everybody else who has ALREADY said Mr Frown should not go to the opening of the Olympics in China.
Mr Clogg LED THE WAY, calling for a boycott last week.
Then Ms Hillary-Billary urged a boycott of the opening ceremony.
And so did Senator Barry O.
Finally, Mr Frown finked out of showing up.
BUT… he went and ruined any POSITIVE MESSAGE that he might have sent to the Chinese government, or to the rest of the world, by claiming that he had NEVER been going and confusing pretty much everyone.
"This is not a boycott," claimed No. 10, "we're just not going."
Riiiiiiiight.
In his letter to Mr Frown, Mr Clogg reminded the Prime Monster that the Chinese PROMISED to improve their human rights record before the Beijing Olympics, a promise that they have NOT kept:
"Recent events in Tibet, broken promises over media freedoms, ongoing human rights abuses and intransigence over the humanitarian catastrophe in Darfur demand a response."
he said.
"Serious concerns cannot be swept under the carpet for the sake of ceremonial duties. Unless and until China takes steps to honour the spirit of the Olympics, as laid out in the Olympic Charter, I do not believe that the British Prime Monster can attend the Beijing Games in good conscience."
Mr Frown has completely missed the point by saying he won't be there for the opening – he's STILL lending his support to the brutality of the Chinese regime when he turns up to ceremonially collect the official Zippo torch-lighter and keys to the Olympic shed.
Rather than taking the opportunity to stand up for Freedom and Human Rights alongside the other leaders of the world, Mr Frown has managed to make us look small and stupid and wasted another chance to help the people of Tibet.
"Too often Gordon Frown does the right thing under pressure, rather than out of conviction," commented Mr Clogg.
It is just SILLY to think that there is no POLITICS in SPORT. If that were true why would there even BE bidding for the Olympics?
To quote the Olympic Charter:
"Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles."
What could be MORE political than "universal fundamental ethical principles"?
The Chinese promise to clean up their Human Rights record was a POLITICAL STATEMENT too, and every response to them breaking that promise – protesting against it OR saying it's not your business, doing nothing and letting them get away with it (and yes, I DO mean the athletes as well as Mr Frown) – that is a POLITICAL response.
I fully understand that for many people this may be their only chance to take part in the Olympic Games and that it could be a very difficult choice to decide between your personal ambition to take part or the nebulous and probably unachievable goal of supporting Human Rights for people you've never met.
But at least our athletes – and Prime Monster – live in a country that LETS them make the choice for themselves.
Now, the question is, will Mr Frown's new CEREMONIAL BLACK ARMOUR for the closing ceremony get him SUED by Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi?
Stormtroopers, it would seem, are IN.
At the High Court in London, the Jedi Master of Lucasfilm, Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi (George "don't do that" Lucas), defends his right to use SITH LIGHTNING against anyone who tries cashing in on his multi-billion dollar merchandising EMPIRE.
Meanwhile, in London, Paris, San Francisco and worldwide, the People's Liberation
– have been manfully keeping alight the Torch of Freedom by, er, oppressing anyone who tries to get close to it.
The Olympic Committee are said to be considering doing away with the FORMAL SPECTACLE of the host country being forced to take it on the chin from all the people round the would that they've really p… bad-worded off.
I think that ending this ritual humiliation would be a SHAME, as it would deprive everyone of the chance to give Great Britain the reception we would deserve if we do not shape up our act. And anyway, SELF-FLAGELLATION is an Olympic event we'd be really GOOD at!
On the other fluffy foot, Mr Balloon thinks that we'd be world class at DITHERING – at least if Mr Frown were to put himself forward as a competitor.
(Mr Balloon is TOO MODEST: he and Master Gideon show great promise for the two by shall-we-shan't-we-privatise-the-Northern-Rock relay.)
Of course Mr Balloon is only trying to catch up with everybody else who has ALREADY said Mr Frown should not go to the opening of the Olympics in China.
Mr Clogg LED THE WAY, calling for a boycott last week.
Then Ms Hillary-Billary urged a boycott of the opening ceremony.
And so did Senator Barry O.
Finally, Mr Frown finked out of showing up.
BUT… he went and ruined any POSITIVE MESSAGE that he might have sent to the Chinese government, or to the rest of the world, by claiming that he had NEVER been going and confusing pretty much everyone.
"This is not a boycott," claimed No. 10, "we're just not going."
Riiiiiiiight.
In his letter to Mr Frown, Mr Clogg reminded the Prime Monster that the Chinese PROMISED to improve their human rights record before the Beijing Olympics, a promise that they have NOT kept:
"Recent events in Tibet, broken promises over media freedoms, ongoing human rights abuses and intransigence over the humanitarian catastrophe in Darfur demand a response."
he said.
"Serious concerns cannot be swept under the carpet for the sake of ceremonial duties. Unless and until China takes steps to honour the spirit of the Olympics, as laid out in the Olympic Charter, I do not believe that the British Prime Monster can attend the Beijing Games in good conscience."
Mr Frown has completely missed the point by saying he won't be there for the opening – he's STILL lending his support to the brutality of the Chinese regime when he turns up to ceremonially collect the official Zippo torch-lighter and keys to the Olympic shed.
Rather than taking the opportunity to stand up for Freedom and Human Rights alongside the other leaders of the world, Mr Frown has managed to make us look small and stupid and wasted another chance to help the people of Tibet.
"Too often Gordon Frown does the right thing under pressure, rather than out of conviction," commented Mr Clogg.
It is just SILLY to think that there is no POLITICS in SPORT. If that were true why would there even BE bidding for the Olympics?
To quote the Olympic Charter:
"Olympism seeks to create a way of life based on the joy of effort, the educational value of good example and respect for universal fundamental ethical principles."
What could be MORE political than "universal fundamental ethical principles"?
The Chinese promise to clean up their Human Rights record was a POLITICAL STATEMENT too, and every response to them breaking that promise – protesting against it OR saying it's not your business, doing nothing and letting them get away with it (and yes, I DO mean the athletes as well as Mr Frown) – that is a POLITICAL response.
I fully understand that for many people this may be their only chance to take part in the Olympic Games and that it could be a very difficult choice to decide between your personal ambition to take part or the nebulous and probably unachievable goal of supporting Human Rights for people you've never met.
But at least our athletes – and Prime Monster – live in a country that LETS them make the choice for themselves.
Now, the question is, will Mr Frown's new CEREMONIAL BLACK ARMOUR for the closing ceremony get him SUED by Oh-Beardy-One Kenobi?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Day 2630: Tibet
Friday:
China threatens "harsh" treatment if the Buddhist monks don't stop damaging the Chinese troops' batons and boots by, er, throwing themselves against them.
"Harsh"!?!?! How are they going to get MORE harsh than SHOOTING people?
Are they going to shoot them, wait for them to be REINCARNATED, hunt them down and shoot them AGAIN?!?!
China threatens "harsh" treatment if the Buddhist monks don't stop damaging the Chinese troops' batons and boots by, er, throwing themselves against them.
"Harsh"!?!?! How are they going to get MORE harsh than SHOOTING people?
Are they going to shoot them, wait for them to be REINCARNATED, hunt them down and shoot them AGAIN?!?!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Day 2598: Cultural Revolution
Tuesday:
Minister for Ruining our Childhoods, Mr "Total" Balls, and Minister for Spoiling our Fun, Mr "Crash and" Burnham, have got together as a PANTOMIME HORSE to inflict five hours a week of "quality culture" on kids.
So, we add the "Culture Hour" to the "Sport Hour", the "Literacy Hour" and the "Numeracy Hour" and… we'd better hope there are a few more TIME LORDS masquerading as teachers in our schools!
Art, theatre, music… these are things that you should DISCOVER for yourself, not have thrust down your throat like COUGH MIXTURE!
And anyway, isn't that what BBC4 is for?
What's that buzzing noise?
You should not underestimate the POWER and IMPORTANCE ofthe Dark Side Art and Culture like SPORT it has the power to move people, uniting them in feeling – after all, that is why China are so JOLLY CROSS about Mr Spielberg quitting their Olympic bash.
("Oh, nobody understands our policy in Darfur," yeah, yeah; tell it to the Archpillock of Canterbury!)
What IS that buzzing?!
Anyway £15 a year does NOT amount to a whole load of OPERA… unless you mean OPRAH, and we're back to sitting in front of the TELLY.
On the PLUS side, though, at least there are a whole load of opportunities in CREATIVE WRITING opening up again in America!
Can NO ONE else hear BUZZING???
Is there not some IRONY in us trying to find EXOTIC ways to keep our young people out of our hair with compulsory after-school culture club at the same time as installing the electronic midge and kiddie zapper?
Meanwhile, I am going to deal with that buzzing by calling GHOSTBUSTERS!
Apparently I can now get PSYCHIC EXORCISM paid for by the council (give me strength!)
Minister for Ruining our Childhoods, Mr "Total" Balls, and Minister for Spoiling our Fun, Mr "Crash and" Burnham, have got together as a PANTOMIME HORSE to inflict five hours a week of "quality culture" on kids.
So, we add the "Culture Hour" to the "Sport Hour", the "Literacy Hour" and the "Numeracy Hour" and… we'd better hope there are a few more TIME LORDS masquerading as teachers in our schools!
Art, theatre, music… these are things that you should DISCOVER for yourself, not have thrust down your throat like COUGH MIXTURE!
And anyway, isn't that what BBC4 is for?
What's that buzzing noise?
You should not underestimate the POWER and IMPORTANCE of
("Oh, nobody understands our policy in Darfur," yeah, yeah; tell it to the Archpillock of Canterbury!)
What IS that buzzing?!
Anyway £15 a year does NOT amount to a whole load of OPERA… unless you mean OPRAH, and we're back to sitting in front of the TELLY.
On the PLUS side, though, at least there are a whole load of opportunities in CREATIVE WRITING opening up again in America!
Can NO ONE else hear BUZZING???
Is there not some IRONY in us trying to find EXOTIC ways to keep our young people out of our hair with compulsory after-school culture club at the same time as installing the electronic midge and kiddie zapper?
Meanwhile, I am going to deal with that buzzing by calling GHOSTBUSTERS!
Apparently I can now get PSYCHIC EXORCISM paid for by the council (give me strength!)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Day 2573: Chinese Takeaway
Friday
From Tiananmen Square, that huge, implacable face stared out at us – yes it was Mr Huw Edwards doing a BBC News report, live from China as Mr Frown flew in to ask, very nicely, if we couldn't have some jobs please.
Chairman Frown
There is a NEW formula, nowadays, for talking to the People's Republic of China – avoid all talk of PEOPLE. And anything to do with being a REPUBLIC. And don't call them CHINA either – it's Chung Kuo.
Anyway, apparently it is OKAY to talk about global warming – that way you can be mildly CRITICAL and they can say "ahh, but we are improving and anyway, you did all this first". What you MUST NOT do is mention human rights, because they are not interested and frankly they think we have got to be kidding anyway what with our record of Guantanamo Bay, Abu Grahib, rendition flights and Celine Dion.
President Sarcastic of France kept to this formula, and managed to flog a whole load of ATOMIC POWER STATIONS as a result. The Monkey-in-Chief went and talked to the Dalai Lama and since then the Chinese have CRUSHED HIS CURRENCY like a bird's nest in soup.
Great Britain, of course, has a LONG history of FRIENDSHIP with the region, going back to the Boxer Rebellion and the Opium Wars. Er… they probably won't remember that though, will they?
For us in the West, Human Rights in the Middle Kingdom remain a VEXED and COMPLICATED question. We cannot just IGNORE them as we have in the past and pretend that they are some poor country cousin, especially as they grow in POWER, both diplomatically and, perhaps more importantly, financially.
Because, although remaining "communist" in name – in fact the Communist Party has basically replaced the old Imperial Bureaucracy, a sort of bizarre feudal meritocracy-cum-corruptocracy – the truth is that the PRC government has changed its policies considerably since the 1970s, and particularly since the economic powerhouse that is Hong Kong was absorbed back into the Republic in 1999.
However, that financial success may in fact be the key, as a burgeoning middle class, with higher income levels and better, broader education may lead to more freedom of thought in the East just as it did – eventually – in the West.
From Tiananmen Square, that huge, implacable face stared out at us – yes it was Mr Huw Edwards doing a BBC News report, live from China as Mr Frown flew in to ask, very nicely, if we couldn't have some jobs please.
Chairman Frown
There is a NEW formula, nowadays, for talking to the People's Republic of China – avoid all talk of PEOPLE. And anything to do with being a REPUBLIC. And don't call them CHINA either – it's Chung Kuo.
Anyway, apparently it is OKAY to talk about global warming – that way you can be mildly CRITICAL and they can say "ahh, but we are improving and anyway, you did all this first". What you MUST NOT do is mention human rights, because they are not interested and frankly they think we have got to be kidding anyway what with our record of Guantanamo Bay, Abu Grahib, rendition flights and Celine Dion.
President Sarcastic of France kept to this formula, and managed to flog a whole load of ATOMIC POWER STATIONS as a result. The Monkey-in-Chief went and talked to the Dalai Lama and since then the Chinese have CRUSHED HIS CURRENCY like a bird's nest in soup.
Great Britain, of course, has a LONG history of FRIENDSHIP with the region, going back to the Boxer Rebellion and the Opium Wars. Er… they probably won't remember that though, will they?
For us in the West, Human Rights in the Middle Kingdom remain a VEXED and COMPLICATED question. We cannot just IGNORE them as we have in the past and pretend that they are some poor country cousin, especially as they grow in POWER, both diplomatically and, perhaps more importantly, financially.
Because, although remaining "communist" in name – in fact the Communist Party has basically replaced the old Imperial Bureaucracy, a sort of bizarre feudal meritocracy-cum-corruptocracy – the truth is that the PRC government has changed its policies considerably since the 1970s, and particularly since the economic powerhouse that is Hong Kong was absorbed back into the Republic in 1999.
However, that financial success may in fact be the key, as a burgeoning middle class, with higher income levels and better, broader education may lead to more freedom of thought in the East just as it did – eventually – in the West.
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